Some Days i Wonder

If you have been hiding under a rock the past couple of days.  The news has been full of reports,  dissections and opinions on the horrifying events in Connecticut.

I am not entering my opinion on gun control,  school guards or anything of the such.  It is a topic for another time.    What disturbs me the most of the media content and the pundits that are currently using this as a stepping stone for their own agenda.

Before there was a chance for the families to bury their little ones.   Before a community had a chance to mourn for the lost of souls.   The pundits descended on the area,  and the soapboxes were brought out to promote their own agendas.

Everytime that someone opened up their mouth,  money poured into their own pockets.   Advertisers were paid for the added product endorsements for cologne,   foodstuffs,  deodorant etc.   And everytime the soapbox was built to another height,  it was built on the backs of families that their lives had just changed in a sudden,  horrific act of violence.

How many of these pundits looked at the idea of just donating the proceeds they would do during that time to the support that the families would need.  Did it cross their minds to do something more than their sympathies

Forgiving Behaviors Of The Blind

noun

1. The way in which one acts or conducts oneself, especially toward others:
   "Good behavior"
   Synonyms: conduct · deportment · bearing · actions · doings · manners ·
   

   More
2. The way in which an animal or person acts in response to a particular situation or stimulus:
   "The feeding behavior of predators"

 (Courtesy Oxford Dictionary)

[Here's to us -  Halestorm]

A friend of mine asked me why we keep on walking into people who mistreat us or abandon us. This was the answer I gave it's probably what we are thinking we are finding in other people. We see something special in someone so we cover up the facts of the rest of them. We excuse behaviors as being 'okay' cause there is that special something we see in them. We understand behaviors because we see something 'special' in them. Until they prove that the special wasn't there or was a lot less than what we thought. And yet we still excuse behaviors.

Our friends and family,  others who aren't blinded tell us that things don't add up. They see without the covered glasses of 'hope' So the stories of absence and abandonment, we excuse as being 'okay' should not in fact be okay with you.   They see them as less romantic and more practical.

It becomes okay to be blinded by these glasses of hope.   Finding yourself having a crush on someone who doesn't return the same for you.   So you just hope that they will change their mind and see the same special part that you see in them.   Saying the 'right' words and doing the things they wish that they had.  Sometimes those thoughts are even played on for their own reasons.  

Even then the blinded hope glasses distort what is really there.  That friendship might just be that,  friendship.  It can even be viewed as less if the friendship matrix becomes distorted.  Friendship requires balance by its own nature.  If you are slotted into the position of 'disaster coordinator or even savior at the time of need.   The balance falls apart when you never hear anything else but when that slot in their life is in need.  

I have spent a lifetime being a battery charger for some.  Need a hug,  run to me.  Need a kind word,  run to me.  Need 20 bucks,  that slot is filled.  That was the slot that I fulfilled for some in my life.  Attempt to break out of that mold and the condemnation of  'changing' or 'not understanding' came raining down.

But not all the fault can be placed on the person who is out of balance.  Believing that you set the bar for how high or low someone should be to ride the friendship ride becomes a self fulfilling need.  Discovering that if you strip to bare the basics of a friend are you accepting less than what is needed in your life. 

I talk and like to be talked to.   Someone holding a conversation with me is important to just my social belief as well as my ability to be a friend.   There are those that view me as the walking dictionary to their dreams.  This becomes difficult to hold because there are times when I need to be shown what to do in my life.   I am not perfect,  just forgiven.

It becomes a circular curse to accept second best in my life.   To lower that bar of acceptance due to being lonely.  It removes my ability to function at my fullest because I have to dumb down a friendship so that it doesn't appear I have anything but failed hope.

Hope becomes important in a friendship, especially in a first meeting.  We all hope that when we meet and talk to someone that they can be added to our friends.  Even the most reclusive of people want to add someone to our talking and speaking circle. 


When your single you also hope that the friendship can develop into something stronger and better.  Even after giving up on a future with someone there lives a little bit of hope that the next person might be someone who can see what they like in you.  Wanting to discover more that lives behind the walls of the castle that has been expertly set up.

The question is always how to exercise the out of balance relationships in your life.   What strength does it require to stand up and say enough is enough?   Change or fall to the wayside because my mental and emotional health is more important than your need to fill a slot in your life. 

I have walked away from friendships and even love simply because I lost my ability to see blindly the hope that was never going to be fulfilled in them.  People that I had pledged my life blindly,  finding out they never deserved that level of permission to walk in my life. 

Love,  crushes,  hurt feelings,  abandonment,  internal emotional wars and devastation will always exist in the heart of a hope filled person.  

If you feel condemned by this,  measure yourself and see if your tall enough to ride the ride.

Dragonbear.