Anytime someone steps up to a blog, a journal or even just a discussion they take the chance that someone will not like what they have to say and will leave them. It's happened before, and it will probably happen again. But there is always risk when it comes to revelation.
At times I tire to hear when someone says 'everyone' has hurt me. I have been on the side of pain. Of hurt and abandonment and even whispered those words in that time of pain. Everyone hates me, no one loves me etc.
But there does come a time that you have to stand and say not everyone hurts me, that person hurt me. That person chose to cause me pain and they are different than the hope that everyone else has in their lives to not. The majority might have hurt someone, but that by no means is everyone.
This especially bothers me when it comes to hearing the words 'all men have hurt me'. I am a red blooded American male. Last time I checked, I have the equipment and the genes qualify as a male. In many cases I hear this from friends or the casual friends and say to them 'really? All men have hurt you?. 'So how do you see me in your life?'
When someone says 'every male' they are lumping me into a group of pain causers in their life. This can become difficult to understand because where I have done wrong things, I actively try not to cause someone pain. Especially if it's someone that I consider a friend.
This leaves only three options when it comes to life.
1) I have caused pain to this person and have no realization that I did it.
2) They have a grief with me, but have yet to present it to me to resolve or at least for me to understand.
3) They no longer see me as a male but as something different.
The third one is the most troublesome. Not because it is important for everyone to see me as a male. But simply because it excuses so much to be said and done by not allowing me to be seen as a man. I have male tendencies, male equipment and even a pseudo man card in my pocket. Where I may not act like the stereotypical male, I still qualify just by the chromosomes that developed in my DNA.
So how to you present this fact to someone, especially someone you care about that doesn't realize every time they say 'all men have hurt me' it becomes a direct slap in my face. Some would probably say 'nope, not you of course'.. But then that disqualifies the idea that 'every male' has hurt me. If I am a male (which again, I state as evidenced fact), then shouldn't the expectation to be said as 'everyone but you have hurt me'.
But then this opens up another avenue. If there is one that hasn't hurt you, then what are the odds that there is another that hasn't hurt you? There are an estimated 3.4 billion men in the world. So out of that 3.4 billion men either they have all hurt you (which means you have had a really sucky life) or the majority of men you have met have hurt you.
So why is it important to remove 'everyone' in the vocabulary and be more specific? Because if you speak out of pain it is a guarantee you will hurt those that care more than you realize. Again, purely from what has occurred in my life I have fallen into this same trap. Everyone has hurt me built a wall to say that everyone would hurt me. But I looked at those that have been in my life and not hurt me and said no more.
On a more personal note, when someone says 'everyone' and I am included in everyone, then there should be a specific reason that I have hurt you. Have I neglected something that I should have done? Has there been a misunderstanding that I did not see? Have I been callous in my thoughts and deeds with no reasoning? Or is this simply you no longer see me as a male, but only as 'Joey'.
Words are powerful. Words are what brought ideas and thoughts into our world. Words are also what brings pain and anger to those that care the most. Romantic, friendship or just generally being a human being. And everyone is one of those words that mean a lot more than we give credit to.
Love me... Hate me.. Just never lump me as being 'Everyone'. I am me. Always have been and always will be.
Dragonbear
