Never cry wolf. Or the cops

So april fools day came and went.  And it seems my idea that I had developed for the 4 months prior was found with mixed interest.

I have yet to figure out whether it's the out and out hostility from some for what should have been apparently a ludicrous idea.  Or the apathy I received from some.

Here was the setup.  about 4 months ago I started dropping hints of marriage.   Little bits and pieces.   but the 2 weeks prior to April 1st I turned up the heat.   Started putting up flight plans,   dropping hints of a trip and getting ready etc.   When I entered the idea, I had two rules I played by.  I would not lie (I would mislead and let people's minds invent directions,  but I would not out and out lie.).   The other thing I said is that if someone asked me directly if I was getting married or engaged,  I would tell them the truth completely and let them in on the joke.

Now,  the non lying thing got difficult at times.   Looking through my facebook posts most of what I put up there was allowing supposition from others to run rampant.   Just because I commented that "tickets were available to fly to reno" didn't mean I bought a ticket,  it meant just that.  They were available for purchase.
A few lookup's online and I got the information for cab rides in reno,   time frames etc.   All implying a big trip when I was still tucked at home.  There were comments that it was very obvious to me that it was a ruse (when someone posts up "I hope that tomorrow I wake up and it's not make believe" the day before april fools day,  then it should set off some red lights and sirens.

The other thing that should have set off the idea that it was a ruse was me just picking up,  marrying someone without telling certain people in my life.   It just won't happen no matter how much I care about a person.  I have too much responsibility and also safeguards for doing something stupid.   At least at the time I figured that it should have been obvious that I would ask my best friends what they thought,  and even making sure they would make it to the wedding or a party etc.   But alas that didn't seem to occur to anyone.

Now to me,  when the initial shock wears off,  I love a good joke.  And especially if someone has fooled me in a non destructive way.   But for some reason this pissed off certain friends that i would "dare" to do something like this.   Changing my relationship status on facebook,   the whole trick seemed to infuriate some into wondering why I would be so rude and mean.   A few understood why it was funny,  though there was some collateral damage (Kimmie buying me a wedding present was unexpected and will have to be worked out).  But it seemed that the ones that at one point had been interested in me,  or have at times put me on the "always there in case I need a backup plan" were the ones that got upset the most.  

So I have bounced between being irritated about this,  and at times wondering why even try anymore.   But the thing I'm not sure about is the apathy from some.   I have about 33 names on my friends list on facebook.  I've always been very selective of friends,   mostly because those are the people I care about or have/will care about.  I'm never going to be the "1000" friends club facebook friends kind of person.   I don't even know the names of 1000 people.   They aren't my friends,  etc.   but even out of 33 I got a few congratulations but the majority didn't even seem to offer a whisper.   This disturbed me a bit.

Starting to wonder in my mind.  Had I misled myself into thinking that facebook was even real to a point?   Were the people truly friends,  or had I gone back to being a faceless blob on the screen that would always be there.    I don't quite have the answer yet to this one.  

Now,   that night was hard enough with all these questions flashed through my head.  But I received a phone call about 11:30 at night.  Most of my friends don't call me unless they need something,  and they will txt me to make sure I'm still awake.   It was from Angel (long detailed history there).  I was suprised so I picked up the phone to see what was going on.   All I heard was what sounded like choking or spitting,  things that didn't sound good.  I kept on asking if she was okay,  asking her to press the button on the phone etc.

I ended up disconnecting and trying to call again (thinking maybe it was just a horrid connection) and got voicemail.   Now I went to concerned because no matter what,  I didn't want angel to be harmed or hurt or injured.   I asked a mutual acquaintance that lived in the area if she could call to see if she could get ahold of her.  Ultimately I asked the acquaintance to call the cops for a wellness check (got the address from her ex).   This is a standard thing for cops to do,  it's what they get paid to do.  I've had it happen a few times on me,  It's slightly embarrassing but definitely better than being dead on the floor.

So I got a txt message from angel (it was her boyfriend typing I guess) that he never wanted me to txt or talk to her again blah blah blah.   I guess somehow I had caused drama in their family by actually making sure that noone was injured or dead.

The next morning I got a message from angel saying "you know my boyfriend lives with me",   "Do you really think he would let anything happen to me"?

Now logically,  how was I supposed to know if something had happened?   I get a random phone call from someone who sounded like they were choking.   I had no way of knowing if he was there,  or out gallivanting trying to be a professional wrestler (good luck with that.   Don't let the Disability assessors find out).   So I'm always going to err on making sure someone is safe.   Again,  little embarrassment against someone being dead.   Also side on the little embarrassment.  I never responded because I had no response that wasn't going to cause a heated argument.   Probably lost a friend,  but as many have stated,   they question how much of a loss it truly was.   There just comes a time that the jerry springer moments have to stop.

As I start to eliminate drama in my life to walk a better path.  I can see where the traps are that seem to want to drag me back in the mud.

Good luck and good hunting

Joey

Every so often

So after a week where I probably felt sorry for myself more than I should of.  I shook off some of the irritation going on and thought about life in general.

It still bothered me that I needed to cut ties with Angel.    That was a 9 year relationship that I wish hadn't gotten so ugly.  Not ugly as in a "omg we were so in love,   now you suck a lot" type.   But more of the I saw potential and now I see nothing but dragging me down.

Do I miss her?   Yes in some ways.   But I think it's more of missing what was and not what is today.   What is amazing right now is the idea that I somehow "betrayed" her.  Did I say what I felt?   Absolutely.   I always will if I say anything.   I think she's hurting,  but a lot of the pain was by her own cause and her own choice.  

But there comes that limit of watching someone wallow in the mud of their own life and dispair.  And when people throw out the rope to help,  they get out,  and then the person dives right back in.  You can only watch that so much before it's time to save the rope and walk away.  

And then there is the return of Laurel.    Yes,  that laurel.  The one that I had to ask to leave when she "gave up" on looking for a job or doing anything.    She will be back in burlington sometime next week.   And no doubt that it will be her knocking on my door again.   And as I have been told by friends,   my butt will be kicked hard,  fast and continuously if I allow her to live back in my house.

The debate is do I stretch out anything in my hand to help.   She needs to be in a church,  but she's playing the joke wiccan version of life (not all wiccans are jokes,  but this is that variety of I can cast a spell and fix everything no natural consequence) type of practice.  The one that you find in any religion.

So that weighs on my mind of what will happen when the confrontation happens.  I know her,  I know people like her.  It will be peaches and cream but very little has changed for her.  She still is a victim and will be a victim as long as it gets what she needs.   I don't tolerate victims that well anymore.  

And then there is trying to get my head out of the sand and get physically better.  One more week where I couldn't answer the bell when it came to church.    One more sleepless night,  and one more where I can't get the answers I need.   its a continual playing of the same song.  You suck,  you need to do it for yourself but you still suck.

Something I can't afford to keep listening too.